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Why DID the chicken cross the road?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him and keep him down.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.

RONALD REAGAN: I don’t recall.

L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

SADDAM HUSSEIN #2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.

BUDDHA: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

THE POPE: That is only for God to know.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BILL CLINTON: Now, I will admit that while I was governor of Arkansas, I saw a lot of chickens. However, I do not know this chicken. This chicken is simply trying to gain some attention in professing to have crossed this road. This presidency will not be respond to, nor be affected by, any of the lies that this chicken concocts.

BILL CLINTON #2: I have no recollection of exposing myself to this chicken, although it may be a possibility inasmuch as I regularly adjust, lower or remove my pants in the course of normal grooming or hygienic routine, and this chicken may have been inadvertently included on one
such occasion. I do, however, deny that I then directed this chicken to perform anything that would fall outside her normal duties and shake her so much as to compel her to cross the road.

JOHN F. KENNEDY: Ask not what road this chicken crossed. Ask what road you can cross for that chicken.

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.

JACK NICHOLSON: ’cause it frigging wanted to. That’s the frigging reason.

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